How To Talk To Your Significant Other About Money
By literally broke
Money is a part of any relationship; familial, romantic, sexual. But talking about it can be uncomfortable with an accountant, let alone your significant other.
When my boyfriend and I first moved in together in 2016, I didn’t think to question us splitting rent. Looking back, I realize now that this was a huge mistake.
I was entering adulthood with a negative net worth (#studentloans) and he was two years out of college with no loans in sight. We were at completely different financial places in our lives but we never thought to “have the talk.”
So, whether you’re on the market, casually getting it in, or awaiting that proposal, money will come up. Here are the three things you can do when it does:
Get Honest
If your Bumble date asks about your investment strategy, it’s okay to say it’s none of their business. But if your long-term partner asks, it might be time to get real.
Personal finance writer Erin Lowry calls this “getting financially naked.” Yeah, it’s fucking scary to show someone what you’re working with, especially when the lights are on. But talking about money can be kind of hot...I promise!
At the end of the day, honesty is the only way through these tricky conversations. No one that loves you should begrudge you for having student loans or credit card debt (it’s the American way, after all).
If you’re ever in doubt about whether a financial ask is “inappropriate” just remember that I once stopped hooking up with a guy because he didn’t pay for my iHop...
Make It Fun
So many chores that stress us out (cleaning, laundry) are made bearable by the right environment. Put on some music, pour yourselves a glass of Malbec, and get down to business.
Money doesn’t have to be all budgets and numbers. Money dates are opportunity for you and your partner to reflect on your goals and values. It’s just another way to get to know each other, after all.
Remember: Fair Isn’t Always Equal
Do you know what happens when one half of a couple can afford to eat out, travel, or buy new clothes and the other just can’t? Resentment.
There’s a reason why money is the #1 thing couples fight about! Studies show that financial disagreements are the leading predictor of divorce. No thank you!
This is one of the articles I sent to my boyfriend when we began discussing splitting bills by our income instead of 50/50. The idea that “fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal” really stood out to me, and is a great idea to return to whenever you’re contemplating dividing household expenditures and chores.
If we want happy, healthy relationships then we sometimes need to have uncomfy conversations. Think of the money conversation as another way to DTR.
Awkward? Sure? Necessary? Yes.
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